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Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Best, My Ass!

February 14, 2013:  Jeez, I'm so far behind my time ... Here I'm pondering my Brand, and my Platform, and the lack thereof each, and I see I'd better get this thing written and fast ...

But what to say, short of some vapid Valentine's Day mumbo-jumbo, or another tart ridiculing of Ash Wednesday, which remains one of the most bizarre rituals in modern America to me ...

But what, but what? ... And yes, I remember now, I wanted to express how much I despise people signing their letters "Best." No, I just hate it. Yes, I'm using the hate word -- hate. But I do. I find it such an obnoxious closing -- "Best, JJ." The implication is clearly that whoever signs a letter like that thinks they're better than you -- the best, in fact. Dirty Fuffers, really ...

I first came across the phrase -- the phray -- in Hollywood, say 10 years ago, when I was out there dying my hair. Best ... Yeesh, I really hate that ... It also always makes me feel like the writer doesn't even have the time to give me two words, like "Best Wishes," and mainly because I'm not worth their time, the lousy pig fuffers! Best indeed!

So that was one thing on my mind, and now you've got me all upset because you made me bring that up. I really hate that, and I hate all of you who send me letters signed with that. In fact, going forward -- which is a phrase I've come to love as much as I loathe "best" -- I'll say I'll give you five business days, and then after that, every letter or email I receive that's signed with a "Best" I will post in its entirety on a website -- someone's else, because I'm not going to sully mine with your "Best" -- and soundly ridicule you, your "Best," and possibly some people you care about, including your pets ... Jerk!

I'm not sure what else I can tell you tonight. I've just drank ... drinken another tea ... and I'm so disoriented, I can't remember if the correct word is drank, drunk, or drinken. If I were German, it would solve it, because it would be trinken, and that would be that, but as I'm sitting here with large glowing pupils and noticable jitters, I can't remember many of the English language words I use every day ... Just "Best" ... "Best" .... "Best" ... God, how I hate that! I hate it as much as I hate men wearing loafers without socks, and Rich -- among others -- knows how much that bothers me ... Best, indeed!

Best, My Ass!

1 comment:

  1. there was a piece, maybe in the NY Times, maybe somewhere else of high falootin' esteem, on the descent of signatures of correspondence, and i believe "Best" was considered the Kiss-Off signature, yeah, i'm certain of it now, so if someone Bests you, they are through with you.

    oh and btw, what color did you dye your hair? i'm thinking of going red . . .