Russell Brand Is Sooooo Ugly!

February 27, 2011: Well, judging by that colossal non-response to my last Blah-ugh! entry, I'm guessing I'll need to get up for work tomorrow morning. (Thanks for nothing, you @**#*/!'s ...) But that's okay. I'll be, if not a better man, certainly a bitter one, and this can only help with my bitter Blah-ugh! ramblings, which I heartily enjoy, even if you don't!

And on that note, my god, Russell Brand is sooooo ugly! I'm not sure who he is -- I guess some actor. (Please don't expect me to keep up with these things, for it's hard enough doing a Blah-ugh! entry every three days and my laundry every week, let alone following pointless current events!) But I just went to the IMDB website to see if Mr. Spielberg was making any progress on Jurassic Park IV, and that Frankensteinian face of his jumped out at me like a fright mask. (I literally had to duck away from my computer screen in fear.) Apparently he was at the Oscars, lurking about and grinning like a Jack O'Lantern. What's going on in America, I want to know, when we can let such an ugly man stalk the red carpet, looking like an underfed hatchet murderer in a tuxedo.

Speaking of bizarre looks, I was also dumbfounded to learn that Anne Hathaway hosted the awards. By what logic was she chosen for this? And while perhaps her "hosting" abilities may be somewhat stronger than her benign acting skills -- a benign feat itself, believe me -- it's hard to believe they couldn't have come up with at least 400 other more engaging personalities for that honor, even starting with Russell Brand (whoever he is).

Speaking of looks -- and please understand, I am certainly that shallow, as many of you know -- why can't more people look like Halle Berry -- men and women ... I almost wonder if she isn't some kind of android, as she seems to keep getting better looking each year (unlike Russell Brand, who'll probably go from Steven Tyler ugly to Crypt Keeper ugly by the end of this decade).

(NOTE: In an effort to keep these posts accurate and timely, I just now took the trouble of looking up Russell Brand -- (and I'll bet you didn't know he was a Gemini!) Apparently he's some kind of actor, although he must be of that character variety made popular by people like Peter Lorre and that ugly guy with the crooked teeth who was in Ghost, and always plays a homely man. I'll add that I was pleased to find him English, and could almost forgive him everything for that, but I fear ultimately -- and I hate to harp on it -- he's got to be one of the scariest looking individuals in our hemisphere.

Which is not to say I find Anne Hathaway much more attractive. In fact, she sort of looks like a CGI outtake -- wobbly, blown out features ... or perhaps like someone you'd see on a Pink Floyd album cover ...

Of course, even with her physical miscues, she's no Russell Brand ... God, that guy is sooooo ugly!