The Wind in the Willows Revisited and Other Stories

January 3, 2013:  If you knew how often I thought about doing Blah-ugh! entries, you'd be surprised ... Or not. Perhaps nothing phases you. Perhaps you've been so hardened by uncivilized society and fast food and grocery checkout clerks who talk to one another in abrasive voices while they're doing your checkout, that you can't even find a ray of hope in this Blah-ugh!?

Well, if that's the case, I sincerely hope the lessons of Toad will lift your spirits, for he is in reality an honorable creature. If you haven't read the book, you have no business wasting your time here with this silliness. Grab a copy -- preferably the one with the magnificent illustrations by Ernest Shepard (of Winnie-the-Pooh fame) and see what truly excellent literature looks like.

Now one of the great marks of perfect literature--and you know, with no hyperbole, I honestly feel this book is the closest thing I've encountered near perfect writing. No fooling! ... It's musical writing, which is what I strive to accomplish, with my fiction in particular. It's intelligent, layered, and beautiful just to read, regardless of where it's going. In other words, each line or phrase is pleasant enough on its own. I don't even have to be dragged along an adventure or a plot. I'm content to sit in the sunshine of the words and relish the warm twinkling ray of light massaging my brain through my eyelids ... Imagine a novel you can read in a random order ... What a thought ... But I digress ...

What I meant to say was that one of the marks of great writing is references to food and loving descriptions of meals, and I so enjoy those in this book -- in particular I'm enamored with the gipsy's stew -- ("It was, indeed, the most beautiful stew in the world, being made of partridges, and pheasants, and chickens, and hares, and rabbits, and peahens, guinea-fowls, and one or two other things ...") And the reason I'm even mentioning any of this is because I'm making stew right now, as we speak, or as I write. Yes, I know it's hard to believe, but it's true ... Stew! And while I didn't include rabbits or partridges -- and really don't have any inkling to -- the beef is doing nicely ... or so I hope! (It's got a funny smell, but what doesn't these days.)

You see, I couldn't find the right non-alcoholic cooking wine to whet my fancy -- I couldn't find any, actually, though I only looked in one store -- and so I'm attempting one of my misguided improvisations ... No, not the kind I do at parties, but a culinary improv, wherein I'm combining grape juice and balsamic vinegar. You see, I reason that wine is halfway between the two, so added in the right proportion, it should, in all likelihood, work out. I've had noteworthy success with red grape juice in spaghettie sauces, actually, but this business of stew may be quite another story ... Time will tell. I'll add the potatoes around midnight and go from there ...

So that's where things stand, except I set out to talk about Toad's behavior in detail, but now I've completely lost interest and energy. Instead, I'm looking forward to completing this interminable Blah(-ugh!) and lying back on the couch to allow myself some much-deserved peace time working on a Cross Sum puzzle.

Have I mentioned how much I like Cross Sum puzzles? It's not the kind of thing you like to get around, but it's true I tellya -- true, true! And the beautiful ice cold weather of good winter days really moves me to work on them in earnest, though I have other responsibilities, like learning to juggle and eating this handsome box of fudge my daughter got me for holiday. (It's actually Ralphie from "A Christmas Story" fudge, and on the cover of the box he's saying in a word bubble, "Ohh .... FFFFFudge!!" ... Very clever!)

And that's why I'm convinced the Chinese are taking over the world ... Did I explain that properly? I'm not sure, and I try not to reread this stuff. It just upsets my stomach and makes me wonder what I did with my thirties ...

Finally, please forgive my failure to achieve a record number of Blah-ugh! entries in the previous year. I came close and certainly meant to, but I know you wouldn't have wanted me to just write to write and fill space, like I appear to be doing now. It just wouldn't be right. I mean, look! ...

Finally, I'm almost through with another novel book, which I'll be putting up online in the next few days. It's quite a different book for me -- something in the horror region -- but I'm very happy with it, but you probably won't like it, so don't waste your 99 cents. I'm hoping this one will be better proofread, but there's no telling what I'll do or not do, depending on my mood and how my stew turns out ...

Finally, I wish you and me both -- and especially me -- a joy-filled, peaceful, conscious, and lucrative 2013 ... I really sense it's going to be a good year, and I look forward to being a part of it ... preferably in the evening hours, when I'm better rested ...