December 19, 2012: I don't think people come to my Blah-ugh! to get sappy and find inspiration or anything like that. You're a voyeuristic bunch of cads, by and large -- just like me -- and you expect nothing more or less by engaging here but naughty base fulfillment ...
But I have to write this one out before I forget, because it was just too ridiculously poignant and significant for me, this past Saturday, too remarkable a moment the day following that terrible school stuff ...
So I'm despondent, as we all were and are. It's awful, and I'm of the mind these days that we're part of a collective consciousness that feels something like this across the whole race. And I want to be mindful about not wallowing in misery for misery sake, which is so easy to do -- for I wasn't there; I no longer work in Newtown, though I actually did teach elementary in another school there years ago; and they weren't my kids, thank god ... and yet ... somehow I know today that they're ALL our kids ... Somehow that's real too.
Anyway ... So I had a hard time lifting myself out of bed Saturday morning ... very late morning ... I headed downtown, planning to force myself to do some work at the library. And of course I always park way away, as is my manner. (As my old mentor teacher Dr. Joseph Lieberman once advised, when you see everyone running in one direction to see something, run the other way!)
I made my unique circle turn to bypass town and was heading up the street to park, when along comes this horse and buggy trotting up the street before me. You see, the downtown merchants organized this lovely little free, old-fashioned buggy ride Saturday afternoon, with these two big white horses drawing a vintage wagon, while a man in a top hat, wielding a whip ... You get the idea ... and so here they come jingling, clopping up the street toward me ...
And after they pass, I see in the street one of the long strings of horse jingle bells left right there in the middle of the road. It's dropped off one of the horses, and, looking so odd, it's clumped right there in the middle of the road ...
Of course, being the good citizen I am, I throw on my brakes and hop out of the car, narrowly missing everyone, and even fooling them with my broken emergency lights, which certainly make it more interesting for all of us. And like a good Johnny-on-the-Spot I fetch this long strand of big sleighbells, which are attached to a long, dry, old leather strap, and I dash back into my car and proceed to go find my parking up the road where no one can bother me ...
I knew where the carriage would park when he came back around, and had in fact done a story on it the week before for the paper, so I kind of felt like I had a connection to these people. I grabbed my briefcase, lock my door and head over to Main Street on foot carrying the jingle bells...
And still I'm despondent, and the terrible day before keeps hanging over me -- over all of us -- a blanket of depression, making things feel pointless and hopeless ...
But I'm amused to be holding this incredible large strand of jingle bells, as I've never held one -- a real authentic horse's strand -- big bells the size of plums, starlight shining silver, split with the cross and inside the pea-sized metal marble ... There are close to 30 of them -- held fast to the kind of old, dry leather that makes you know some things are still made of real materials, and that this strand has a spirit ...
Walking along, I shake it -- all those bells, and they sound so beautiful ... And suddenly, out of nowhere, it occurs to me ... in a magical flash ... like in a movie ... lifting my meager spirits ... like the little girl says in "It's a Wonderful Life" ...
"Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings ..."
Wow! ... And there really is no end ... Not really ...
this is magical writing, thank you - did you know that carriage horse bells used to be in use year round? and that bells of many kinds were made such that you could identify the carriage or sleigh just by the unique sound of their bells? Did you know the saying "I'll be there with bells on" comes from the carriage tradition of horse bells? I have jingle bells for my horse, and while he doesn't mind riding around in the woods wearing them, it tends to scare the other horses, so we don't use them often, although I'm tempted this year as it might alert the numerous deer hunters in the area that I'm approaching and that I'm not prey . . .
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