Who Cuts The Hair of the Right Wing?

January 10, 2011: Yes, happy new year, and another entry to stir your imagination, fire your cauldron, ease your temperament, and temper your easement.

The fact is, I'm disheartened with America right now. And who can blame me?! Doesn't the behavior of fascistic Right Wing fanatics simply make you want to scream. (If I were a fascistic Right Winger, of course, the line would have included something about going on a rampage and shooting them, but you see, we artist-types aren't like that, and that's why we're so much better! Yes, soooooooooo much better!!!)

Anyway, as this is a satirical column, despite my trouble with the spelling of words like satirical, I wanted to focus on the levity. And what could possibly be of stronger humor than the haircuts and hairstyles of those very Right Wingers we so detest and fear and yet tolerate (largely because we fear they'll start shooting if we don't try and appease them). No joke -- (and you see here I get very, very serious) -- why do Right Wing Republicans (or whatever the hell they are!) have just the worst hairstyles in America. The men all look like traveling tent preachers, or college football coaches, or 1970s country singers, and the women all look like Middle American Waffle House waitresses, or 1930s telephone operators, or 1970s country singers ...

You'd think the brain trusters who create their cantankerous (and you see, here I can't spell that either) and vitriolic (I think that one's right) media blitzes would devote at least a portion of their think-tanking to hair. Don't these people know how ridiculous they look? And that's how they're so easy to spot! One doesn't have to be subjected to their churlish brand of fear-based hysterics to know that this or that person in that element is a bona fide lunatic. All you have to do is see that hair!