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Tuesday, June 18, 2013

More Crap About Movies, Me & My Mania

June 19, 2013:  Part of me feels I should be honored that so many people invest their time in reading my Blah-ugh! Another part of me, however, feels many of you should be doing so much more on my behalf, and you're not, so clearly things even out.

So it's June and I'm still not a bride, though I find myself spending more and more time trying on gowns. I understand that weddings are all the rage these days. I can't help but think of a great Dave Berg cartoon wherein a woman is sharing her regrets over some of the text in her wedding ceremony. "I'm going to do it differently next time," she says. Hilarious! ... Whatever happened to Dave Berg anyway? He's probably dead, like so many of us. I think Don Martin's dead too, though I honestly don't really care, having been a dedicated Sergio Aragones man myself.

Which brings me back to The Flintstones. I'm really starting to have a problem with Wilma, who just seems the most incredible B. Did you see the one with the beauty contest, where they're arguing over who has the most beautiful baby? Wilma just flatly says, "Why, of course, anyone can see that Pebbles is much more beautiful." I mean, it's appalling. But then, what's stranger is how fast Betty ultimately forgives her. What the hell's her problem?! I just don't see how that couldn't cloud their relationship forever going forward. Betty is either a blessed forgiving saint, or a nitwit, and I'm starting to suspect the latter.

But I didn't come here to talk about the Flintstones -- or the Rubbles, for that matter. I wanted to share about some films I've recently seen, about the insanity of the human race, and about how badly I'd like to kill my cat. The thing is, however, I won't share about two of those things because, really, I know no one wants to hear about them. All you care about is what I think of movies. That's all I am to you -- a movie buff. A fan in the buff. Why, the implications are downright intrusive, and I am wearing pants as we speak.

I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say here, but a lot of that can be blamed on the cat -- Bob -- who seems to spend a great part of his day dreaming up ways to annoy me. And now, suddenly, he's sitting there all innocent, like we're casual friends and he can just lounge atop the table and pretend he isn't out to destroy me, as so many people and animals are.

But I digress. I wanted to touch on some of my recent film joys and discoveries. I really, really liked Django Revisited, or Unchained, whatever he was. It was Quentin Tarantela's finest hour, and while I found it utterly disturbing for its brutal depiction of slavery -- which I want to make clear at this point, I'm dead set against -- it also had many moments of jovial blood-letting and fun, happy squib explosions. He really did something of a winner, although he of course has to go and ruin it by trying to act in it, which really just annoys us all, though we pretend it doesn't, like the sycophantic scum we are, enabling QT's narcissism and bad acting, pretending we're happy about it, just so he'll like us. Yeesh, you people drive me crazy!

I also saw a pretty good movie with this guy Ryan Gooseling, but I can't remember what it was called. It was about this guy who drove a car and kind of killed people when he wasn't driving. Except then it got kind of stupid because they had to bring this woman into it and she didnt' kill anyone, so I don't really see what the point of her character was.

I may have mentioned seeing Iron Man III, which I loved, because that guy Robert Downey is just great, even though I saw some special feature clip of him on Youtube and he had his shirt off and it was actually kind of disturbing. This, in turn, motivated me to see Iron Man I and II, which I watched in order, and it was great fun, mainly because he kept his shirt on. That's real acting!

I also saw a handful of Marx Brothers movies this week, and let me tell you, if you don't like the Marx Brothers, you're just an idiot and that's all I have to say to you. In fact, if you don't like them -- I mean, if you can't even like Harpo, let alone Groucho -- then I have no use for you or your family, and I'd like you to stop reading this Blah-ugh! immediately. You clearly don't appreciate it on the numerous levels that are required and you're taking up valuable ether space from lunkheads who would be benefitting from reading this crap.

Yes, I hold the Marx Brothers high in my realm of genius. There are so many brilliant moments in their films, I can't even explain them all. If you've never seen one of their movies, I can recommend most of them, although right now I'm feeling a particular fondness for The Big Store, despite all the racial improprieties, A Night in Casablanca, despite the fact that they make fun of Germans, Go West, despite all the racial improprieties, and At the Circus, despite their possible mistreatment of a seal.

Which all reminds me, I still have some chocolate hidden in the kitchen drawer ... Gotta go! Rent "A Night at the Opera" and watch the expression Harpo makes after that cad who whips him scolds him in front of his friends after he passes him the business card, and he looks at the woman standing next to him ... Absolute genius! It is, dare I say, even funnier than this Blah-ugh!

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