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Friday, April 29, 2011

April Means Never Having To Make A Cogent Point

April 29, 2011: I thought it would be chipper of me to wrap up April with one last Blah-ugh! entry. And while I could wait until tomorrow, I know many of you are chomping at the bit to learn the latest intellectual developments in the mind of the man New Yorker magazine once called "that guy who sends those trite queries."

Yes, in fact, many things are on my mind today, starting with the pork loin I'm burning atop my stove as we speak ... So hold on a minute ... (FYI, it's progressing nicely, thanks largely to the thick slabs of butter I have augmenting the process. For a time I always simmered my pork loins in chicken broth until they became pullable, {if you'll excuse the grotesque imagery}, but today I wanted something different, despite the fact that it's just going to end up shredded over nachos for the next four or five nights.)

I'd be remiss in my reportage if I failed to make fun of the new Prince, or King, or whatever he is. To be perfectly honest, I'm so regularly out of touch with the "news" -- and smarter because of it, mind you -- this whole royal wedding came upon me quite unexpectedly. I did, however, take the trouble to watch the key three minutes of video on the Internet (owing to my being cabley impotent, as you know), and while I couldn't understand the bride -- I'm not sure what her name is -- because she spoke so softly, I did get the chance to observe how unattractive the groom is. Let's be honest, were William -- and I'm pretty sure his name is William, or it might be Edward, but I think it's William -- were he just an ordinary mortal, he'd never have a chance with a woman of her pretty stature. (Although who knows what she looks like out of her clothes; there could be all sorts of nasty surprises going on.) I only hope -- again, as I don't follow the media, I don't know what's been reported -- that people have been sure to point out the imbalance in the union, owing to their respective looks. He actually looks like a young John Elway, and that's not a compliment. It's funny how unattractive pure WASP features become -- little circular mouths that never seem to close all the way, overweight faces and over-dimpled chins. Thank god he has that great British accent, otherwise all he'd have going for him is his money, fame and unlimited power.

Speaking of royal, I'm rereading "Casino Royale" for the sixth or seventh time. There's nothing like a Bond book for a welcome breath of mysogenistic (sp?) anti-Soviet spellbinding. This was the first book, as you know, I think 1951, and Ian Fleming is in top form, despite monotonously excessive over-description of Vesper's evening wear.

And speaking of evening wear, I'm distraught to find myself lying here in shorts at 6:30, because this means the hot weather has arrived. I hate hot weather, except sometimes, and even then I pretend I don't like it so people feel sorry for me.

One final thought: why do the pork loins always smell so awful after they're cooked (and before, too, but that's a question I can answer)?


  1. A Thank you to Kate and William-

    Only the darkest of cynics would take pleasure in ridiculing you and William as you enjoy your day in the sun.
    Your wedding is not the time to wax philosophically about the value of the monarchy or the costs attributed to your wedding ceremony and celebrations.
    You and William have presented the perfect escape, if just for a few moments, away from whatever personal struggles grind the rest of us in our daily dance.
    That step away from our realities has value way beyond the cost of the day.
    Thank you for sharing part of your dream with us.
    It often feels as if we live in cultures that continually find something wrong with everything, and everybody, within shouting distance of the one pointing the crooked finger.
    Some find it necessary to denigrate the royal family, presidents, prime ministers, the cabinets, all members of government, unions, teachers, students, and of course, those that are unable to fend for themselves-
    The poor, homeless, aged, sick are often portrayed as people taking from the system rather than contributing to it in some meaningful fashion, according to those who judge such things-
    Your momentary transcendence from all the swirling of reality offers a pathway into that part of us that wants to feel what you are sharing with the world. A dream, a hope, a kind look, a fleeting bashful kiss, a hand reaching out to change a life-
    The world would engulf us with its grayness of regularity without moments of fantasy that become as real, for moments, as anything else we experience. Without ceremonies that tie us to some sense of history we would ricochet off the walls of reality.
    World cups, super bowls, lottery winnings will never reach in to touch the happy little parts of our hearts that scurry around looking for a way to cry in joy.
    May your happiness wrap us all in the hope that there is more than what radiates off the front pages of the newspapers.
    Thank you.

  2. while some might derive pleasure from ridiculing the royal wedding, others may derive their pleasure from being engulfed in it. i don't see why the former's opinion should taint the latter's enjoyment. isn't it nice that we're all entitled to our feelings--from the big things like circumcision to the smaller things, like watching two famous strangers exchange vows (one in a gorgeous alexander mcqueen, i don't mind saying. and im not one for fashion but that was a stunning dress--and bride). anyhoo...thank god for all the different senses of humor out there! i happen to enjoy the blah-ugh!'s humor quite a lot. i also think rush limbaugh is hysterical. so there you go.