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Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Spring Sprangs ... Again ...

April 10, 2013:  I'll never be able to mutter the trite truism that 'Spring is in the air,' without immediately remembering Groucho Marx's concerned response to Thelma Todd in "Horse Feathers" -- "You mean you want me to spring in the air and fall in the lake?"

But the fact is, despite all the nuances of Global Warming and El Ninny and various weather-related geo-thermal exacerbations, spring has apparently sprung eternal ... or at least external, and that's where we'd want it, I'd think, especially because the house is so dirty ...

I'm not sure what I wanted to say about it, except it's certainly lighter. This, as you may know, owes to the new tilt we're getting from the sun, or perhaps the earth. All I know is I heard some loud noise last night, and I don't think it was my neighbor, Mrs. Schtiple, who shaves her legs with a bandsaw. No, this was spring springing, and the light lighting, casting shadows in a new and vivid way ... so get that hat on or you'll burn!

I spent a few moments yesterday lying out on the lawn photographing a bird ... And I got some great shots! Then the bird got a few shots of me, including one great one where I caught a worm ... Then the bird went in my house and drank the last Yoo-Hoo. But I showed him and ate the last of the birdseed in the driveway ...

This brings us to the question of whether this Blah-ugh! is really funny. I tend not to think so, but to be honest, I don't really read it that often. Granted, I come to the site a lot, but mostly it's because I can't get over how young I look in that picture!

Again, I'm trying to remember why I started this entry. I keep meaning to publish a remarkable poem I've been working on about Starbuck's, but I'm blocked. (I think it was the banana walnut bread.) Now I'm just trying to remind myself -- others too -- why we call this Blah-ugh! a comedy site, and not a tragedy site, although some would argue that my attempts at comedy continue to be tragic, while my forays into tragedy are endlessly masked in a kind of humorous pathos.

Speaking of pathos, did you ever read that poet John Dos Pathos. I think he wrote that volume about mid-20th century America called "Regurgitate This, Ye Sons of Soil." (And to demonstrate just how reductionist my damaged sense of humor really is, I'm actually having an uncontrollable fit of laughter after writing that last sentence! Consider this further evidence that a good writer writes for themselves, and a good reader shouldn't put up with it!)

On a completely different note, there's this very strange smell in my living room at the moment, and I can't decide whether it's coming from the kitchen, from outside, or possibly from my shirt. It sort of smells like plastic, but a kind of burnt plastic -- polyethylene terephthalate resin, I think. I don't believe anyone in the house was cooking plastic this morning, although my domestic partner tends to put anything in the oven and call it lunch. I'm hoping it's not some kind of new spring lawn chemical that Mrs. Schtiple is applying to her geraniums, the old hag. It's so weird how normal, red-blooded Americans will put all sorts of foreign objects and chemicals on their lawn in some strange vain hope it's going to make them more popular and sexier. Our lawn isn't like that. It's a down-and-dirty lawn, with lots of onion grass and dandelions. I like to go out there now and again and trim it with a pair of eyebrow tweezers.

(That smell is really making me nervous. If I cared more about my health, I'd probably investigate. As it is, I have to conclude it's probably building up my immune system and, perhaps, making my teeth whiter ... I'm beginning to think my teeth will never get whiter, which makes me wonder if I should stop eating out ... Which reminds me, I haven't even had my morning tea, and I've been up since 5:40 ...

So on that note, I'll add the closing parenthesis later, when I've had more rest and stopped ruminating on this awful stink ...



1 comment:

  1. Dear Jarret: Are you still drinking Yoo-Hoo, for God's sake?! XO, Jenny H.

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